VU vs ut week......Joke time

[cjdore]

I will start it off....

How do you get a ut grad off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza!

[MrMemorial]

I will start it off....

How do you get a ut grad off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza!

How do the theology experts know Jesus was not born on the campus of ut-knoxville?

They looked all over and couldn't spot 3 wise men or a virgin.

[dallasdore]

I'm writing this one because I actually said it here at the office not too long ago...

"Hey [UT alum], the supplies order didn't come in yet and we're out of toilet paper. Can I borrow your diploma?"

[3rdFloorDyer]

A Tennessee fan stumbled across a magic lamp and rubs it and a genie comes out.
Genie: You may receive one wish.
Vol fan: Great! I want my diploma here to be just as valued as any diploma, especially one from Vanderbilt.
Genie: Well- that’s a pretty tall order. Might there be something else you could wish for?
Vol fan: I want our athletics program to be just us respected as any in the country. A beacon of integrity, honesty, and trustworthiness.
Genie: Hmmm….Let me take a look at that diploma again.

[2kidsthere]

Two guys were chatting at a cocktail party.
First guy says to the other, “You must have attended Vandy…”. “I did as a matter of fact…how did you know that?” “I could tell because your conversation with me was so clear and enlightening!”
Second guy says to the first guy - “you must have attended U Tenn”. First guy says “I did, how did you know that?” Second guy replies to the first guy “I saw your class ring when you were picking your nose”

[cjdore]

Come on folks it is the Tuesday before game day and this is all you have got?

Why do Tennesseans always wear orange?
On Saturdays they watch the Vols. On Sundays they hunt. The rest of the week they are picking up trash by the side of the road.

[EagleDore]

How many Vandy grads does it take to change a car tire?
3 - one to call AAA and two to make the mint juleps

How many UT grads does it take to change a tire?
Just 1 but he gets 3 hours of credit for it.

[Doubledore]

A Vol couple driving from Memphis to Knoxville to meet their friends for a big game arrived to their seats after the game was over. Their friends said “Hey guys the game is over what happened?” The couple replied “well on our way we saw all these signs saying clean bathrooms so we cleaned 7 before we got here”

[PeteFox]

How can you tell a vol fan is married? There are tobacco juice stains on the passenger door of the pickup.

[PeteFox]

What’s the difference between a bull and the ut band? The band has the horns in back, and the a$$hole in front.

[PeteFox]

Hear about the tornado at the ut library. 1000’s of coloring books were ruined.

[PeteFox]

Favorite VU cheer when ut is winning….”That’s all right, that’s OK, you’re gonna work for us some day.”

[commadore]

What is 120 yards long, orange, and has one tooth?
The front row at Neyland stadium.

[cjdore]

A few more....

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Knoxville to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Knoxville?
A documentary.

[PeteFox]

An orange-clad body was fished out of the river. The Medical examiner views the body and notices a cork in the body's anus. He pulled it out, and heard "Go Big Orange". He quickly replaced the cork, and took it out again...same result. It was late at night, but he couldn't stand it. He called his wife and said "Honey, get down to the morgue right now, you've got to see this!".
His wife shows up, disheveled, and sleepy-eyed, and says "OK, what's the big deal?
Watch this, he says. And pulls out the cork...."Go Big Orange"
His wife glares at him and says "You mean you got me out of bed in the middle of the night just to hear another a$$hole yell Go Big Orange?

[wbl]

What’s a UT seven course dinner?

A possum and a six pack.

[PeteFox]

A brilliant professor falls hopelessly in love with a truly dumb blonde. He laments to a colleague that he wants to marry her, but is afraid with the disparity in intelligence, it would never work out. His colleague, and psych expert, agrees, and says "Well, I can't make her any smarter, but I have developed machine that can can make you less intelligent. The love-struck prof agrees to do it. He's strapped in the chair. Psych guy says "About 15 minutes ought to do it, should lower your IQ by about 25 points. I'm going across the street to get a coffee.
Unfortunately, psych gets hit by a truck and is in a coma for 6 months. When he comes to, his first thought is "What happened to my friend on the machine?" He rushes to the the lab, unhooks the machine, and says,. "Speak to me....." and the response...Go Big orange.